I’ve always been thinking about what would happen if I can’t meet the require 2.3 QPA needed to move on to the next level.
I mean.. first sem grades STILL AREN’T COMPLETE (horror of horrors) and my Constitutional Law 1 grade is pretty much on hold – Atty. Sedillo gave me an INC because I wasn’t able to take the final exam (I would have, if the exam schedules weren’t switched by an inconsiderate classmate – yes I am still bitter) since it was on the same day as my flight back to Manila for BarOps. Ms. Belen (the dean’s secretary) told me that I would have to take the final exam during first sem next school year. Which means I pretty much have to study everything Consti 1 again.
Did I mention I currently have Consti 2? Aha! Funny how I was able to take it even without a Consti 1 grade at the moment.
Speaking of Consti 2, last Sunday’s session with Dean Joan Largo of the University of San Carlos College of Law and Governance (we have a Sunday class with her every few weeks) was pretty.. stressful. In the morning, we had the moot court “competition” among the four groups in our class, with Atty. Largo (her husband) as the presiding judge. My groupmates did a pretty good job, and I’m really happy for us because I think we were the most cohesive group. (Also, we spent a lot of our time eating during meetings and while working. Haha.) In the afternoon, we had a lecture on Rights of the Accused.
As class concluded, she said that she would give back our bluebooks (exam booklets) from the “pre-final” exam we had with her during the previous session. She flashed onscreen the student numbers of the top 5.
Mine was in rank 2.
Can you say, whaaaaaaa????
And it turns out the difference between the rank 1 and I was just one point.
I didn’t know how I felt. I mean.. I was happy, but more of happy because I didn’t fail. The exam was only on one section (right against unreasonable searches and seizures), and I wasn’t even sure in some of my answers. Like I didn’t cite any cases or anything. Everything I learned was based on the cramming I did during that session’s break, plus the morning lecture.
Yeah, I really didn’t expect to do well.
I told my dad about it, though.
Dean Largo said the final exam would cover everything we’ve discussed (we had an additional lecture Monday morning, and there’ll be a short one on the day of the exam), but it would all be multiple choice questions. I’m pretty relieved, but then again.. law school MCQs require more thinking than undergrad MCQs. /sighs.
So it’s only led me to thinking if I really am cut out for this.
I still don’t know, to be honest.
It’s not that I’m being pessimistic or anything.. but I would rather expect the worst and then if I do well, it would come as a pleasant surprise.
Sometimes I even think about what I could do if ever law school doesn’t work out for me. Like do I go back to school to take a second course or postgrad? Or do I go back to work? Or.. what else? What else can I do?
I mean I’m not particularly good at anything.. I think I’m one of those “Jill of all trades, master of none”. But change the “all” to “some”.
I do want a good future but I don’t even know what I want and how to get it. I feel lost, sometimes. I even wrote a whole document about my inability to focus and work towards my future. I don’t know if I should publish it or anything.
I really don’t knoooooow.
But right now all I want is for the semester/school year to be over so I can go home to my family (including the dogs) and friends.