Homesick again, among other things.

It feels like ages since I’ve made a proper blog post, but from what happened last night, I think it’s time for a little catharsis.

After yesterday’s class (Wednesday is the most stressful day for us JD-I students, because it’s when we have our most stressful classes – Criminal Law, and Statutory Construction. For StatCon, our section was split into two, and the Section B.. let’s just say we’re not too fond of our professor but we try to stick it out anyway for grades’ sake.), some of my classmates and I headed out to El Amigo since it was a classmate’s birthday (hi, Lala!) and she treated us to drinks. After some of our companions had left, there were only around 6 of us who stayed and chatted. I just pretty much kept quiet and drank quietly while listening to the conversations.

All of a sudden, one of them looked at me and said that I’m not being spontaneous.
Another one chimed in and said that I wasn’t the same Yani that I was before.

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Homesick, very homesick.

 

If you are here, I miss you. If you're here more than once, then I really, really miss you.

If you are here, I miss you. If you’re here more than once, then I really, really miss you.

It’s hard for me to be here in Duma.

It’s terribly hard to feel like I belong anywhere. I know I’ve only been here a little over two weeks but.. ah. I still can’t get into the rhythm of things.

I’m slowly adapting to law school and the amount of work that needs to be done.

But other than that I think I’m not doing very well.

After class today some of my classmates and I ate out at Qyosko. We sat at a long table, and naturally either end would have their own conversation.

It’s really hard, being stuck in the middle of a table where everyone speaks a different language and you can barely understand any of them. And if you want to contribute to the conversation, even if you find the words to express them you still just.. can’t. You just can’t.

Awww shoot, now I’m tearing up.. Ugh.

I miss being in Manila. I miss the malls, I miss the familiar places and faces, and I miss my friends. I really miss them. I had already found my place, my comfort zone.. Here, I really feel like an outsider. It’s like when I studied here for 1st year high school.. I never felt like I belonged.

I know a fresh start is supposed to be good.. but it’s horrible, having to start from scratch. It’s as if you need to re-learn every single thing that you were already accustomed to where you came from.

Aaaaand now I’m legit crying. Damn. Haven’t cried like this in a while..

I miss all my friends so much..

I miss Manila so much..

I miss home so much..

I really wish I was back home. My heart really seems to have been left behind there.

One more. Same as above, if you are here then I miss you. If you're here more than once then I really miss you..

One more. Same as above, if you are here then I miss you. If you’re here more than once then I really miss you..

SP – Post-interview catharsis.

The interview.. I don’t know how it went.

They asked some tough questions that required me to think things through and defend my answer.

I don’t think I gathered my thoughts well enough to answer coherently or make any sense.

So right after that I went straight to the bathroom because I felt my eyes tearing up. I leaned by the counter and just.. cried.

I’m really scared for the results.

I don’t want to fail, I know people expect a lot from me and I’m scared to disappoint them.